First Parish Unitarian Universalist"Living Our Dying"
A Homily by the Reverend Diane Teichert
First Parish Unitarian Universalist - Canton MA
October 28, 2001—Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead
The stories written by a physician about her cancer patients read a few moments ago* are a powerful reminder that even those who are dying can be living. Each one managed to live his or her dying with such gratitude, such enjoyment of life's simple pleasures, such awareness of what is true and meaningful in life. Indeed, they are happy just to be alive.
It is somewhat ironic, isn't it, though?, that coming to terms with one's serious illness or imminent death does sometimes lead a person into a fuller life. Have you wondered, as I have: if my time comes in that way, how will I live my dying? As a minister, I question myself: how best to help someone else live their dying as fully as possible? How does one meet death with confidence, hope and love?
Some of the loved ones memorialized on the ofrenda or altar today met their deaths with confidence, hope and love. Some of you may have had the privilege of walking alongside them on their way, witness to their spiritual growth, touched by it yourself.
Over the summer, I read a book whose title I borrowed for today's homily, by a chaplain Joseph Sharp who ministers mainly to people with AIDS as their illness brings them close to death. His ministry is to help those individuals to experience life as deeply as they can in their remaining days, weeks, months, or years.
He says he tries to help people to be truly alive in four ways--in the physical plane of the body and all that its senses can take in, in the fullness of all their emotions (including any anger, sorrow, regret they may feel about dying), in the bonds of love when differences between people recede and commonalities join them together, and in the mystic realm of-call it what you will-Spirit of Life, a personal God or the Goddess, the loving embrace of the Universe, Nirvana, Brahma, the Holy Spirit, Tao, or deep peace. When a dying person is alive in all these ways, he says, you are "living your dying."
What about the person who does not want to live until they die, but would rather choose to end their illness, and thus their life, on their own terms? In so choosing, they deny themselves this awesome opportunity to be more fully alive. If meaning in life comes from learning-with support and courage, we can learn from everything we encounter in life, even the hardest and worst things that happen-then euthanasia deprives a person of the lessons of the final experience, the lessons of dying.
Whether one has the right to a medically-assisted suicide is, to me, a separate and premature question from whether it is a good idea, an ethical choice. If there was universal, quality health care available to all; if there was a universal right to hospice care whether at home, in a nursing home or in a hospital setting; if doctors and nurses were adequately trained in pain management; if emotional suffering was alleviated through excellent psychological and spiritual care .then I think we could begin the conversation as to whether euthanasia should be legal.
All too many of us, however, have seen the inadequacies and inequities of the present system played out very unfortunately in the lives of loved ones who are chronically or terminally ill. I have seen it be terribly difficult and painful for even the most "together" of families to negotiate the confusing array of health care institutions and health care professionals; insurance, Medicaid and Medicare; living wills, proxies, and whether to call 911 or not, and all the rest; never mind the differing emotions involved. When the latter renders a family incapable of thoughtful and informed discussions, then the confusing array can be, simply put, immobilizing.
But, if and when those conditions are being met, it seems to me that the interest in euthanasia will have waned. Very sick people can trust that they are receiving the right medical care. They can trust they will not become a burden to their loved ones or die alone. They can trust they will not suffer from physical pain, and that caring professionals and/or family and friends will have helped them come to peace by the end. Under those conditions, why would someone not want to live their dying?
In the meantime, we can learn to live our living! If we are truly alive in the physical plane of our body and all that its senses can take in. If we are truly alive in the fullness of all our emotions. If we are truly alive in our relationships with others and in the bonds of love when differences between people recede and commonalities join us together. If we are truly alive in the realm of-call it what you will-the Spirit of Life, a loving God, Nirvana, Brahma, God the ineffable, unknowable, the Holy Spirit, Tao, or deep peace. If we live our lives so fully, then I believe we will live our dying just as fully.
In the meantime, we can be sure to be living our living! [In reference to the Readings] We can learn to get the most glory the hotel room has to offer, not just a place to sleep. We can learn to be grateful for our gray hair and wrinkles because they mean we are alive and growing. We can learn to know where our true happiness lies-not in the material "cookies" of good jobs, good looks, nice homes and successful children-but in the intangible things: that we are loved and lovable and loving, that there is always something we can give to others and some way to make the world a better place for all, and that there is always hope because it is never too late to learn. Amen.
* from Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen MD, "Room with a View" pages 180-181, "Surrender" 188-189, "Eating the Cookie" 193-194.