First Parish Unitarian UniversalistOn Love
Sermon on November 14, 2004
First Parish Unitarian Universalist - Canton
Given by Megan Lynes, Ministerial Intern
For the last two weeks I’ve been running my own polling booth. “Hey,” I’d say, “I’m collecting stories about love. Do you have one you could tell me?” “Hmm,” came the reply most often, “yeah, lemme think.” Then “Oh! How about this one!” and the tale would begin. Polling booth tally? 22 yeses. 7 let - me - get - back - to - you’s. Zero no’s.
Here’s the first one.
There was once a man who was a demolition worker. It was his job to light the dynamite fuses that would demolish buildings. On one particular morning however, as he lit the fuse, and turned to make his usual hasty retreat, he missed his footing as he jumped down off a pile of debris. Falling heavily, his leg snapped beneath him and he was suddenly unable to move. Panicking, he began to scream out to passers by on the other side of a distant chain link fence. Hearing his terrified pleas for help a pedestrian stopped in his tracks. The young man could see in an instant what had happened. The fuse had been lit. The building would surely fall directly onto the trapped worker, and time was barely existent. In the second it took him to make his decision he knew that he could neither get all the way to the dynamite before it blew, nor did he have time to drag the injured man to safety. Before anyone could stop him, he had scaled the fence, crossed the yard, and was beside the petrified man. From behind the fence, the crowd watched the two men with their arms around one another, lying side by side for an endless half minute before the building crashed down, and they could be seen no longer.
In the Greek New Testament, there are three words used for “love.” The first is “eros” which is basically esthetic or romantic love. Plato talked about it as the yearning of the soul for the realm of the divine. There is something strikingly beautiful about eros. Great literature and lovers throughout the ages have expressed themselves through this form of love. Many of the stories people told me recently had to do with this magical true love feeling, that amazing blissful sensation that’s like dancing in snowflakes.
The Greek language uses the word “philia,” to talk about a kind of deep, committed love between personal friends or family members. This kind of love carries with it a sense of security that comes from knowing the relationship is steadfast and long lasting. Philial love is present when you are with people you get along with well, and those whom you like on this level you love because you are loved. One twelve year old whom I asked to tell me a story about love wept like an old woman as she told me her parents, who had been divorced for much of her sad early years, had recently remarried. “It turns out they always loved each other.” She explained, carefully choosing her words. “They just didn’t know how to do it right.” “And now they do?” I asked. “Yeah,” her face brightening into a quirky smile. “And now they do.”
Finally, the Greek language has another word for love, and that is the word “agape.” Agape is more than eros, romantic love. It’s more than philia, committed friendship. Agape is the kind of unselfish, overflowing love that asks for nothing in return. It’s about creative understanding and goodwill towards all people, not only those to whom we are related by blood or bound to through friendship. The story of the man who chose to give up his own life so that someone he had never met before would not have to die alone was beyond a doubt agape.
Theologians talk about this kind of love as it compares to the love of God for humankind. To be human is to be capable of tender, passionate, reflective, devoted, yearning, pure and unrestrained love. Many religions view God as the exemplar of these deep emotions. In fact, Muslims speak of the ninety - nine names for God. All - knowing one, all - caring one, all - powerful one, all - loving one. As human beings we too are gifted from birth with a heart ready - made for all these incredible ways to love. We know loving the way we know thirst, and without the chance to love, it is as though we forget how to be fulfilled. It’s true that we ache to be loved ourselves, but I’d argue that in most cases, that feeling is an ancient ache left over from some shortage we experienced when we were small. What is actually a greater human need in the present is to love another beyond measure, to treasure someone and care about him or her within the great fathoms of our souls. For most of us, when an opportunity presents itself, the act of loving simply bubbles up and flows forth from within.
Two days ago I passed a bundle of clothes and whiskers and two haunted sad eyes. I could have guessed, but the little man told me anyway, that the banana I gave him at dinner - time was his first meal of the day. Another chance to love dropped in my lap a few hours later when I lifted a sobbing child from her seat in the grocery store cart. Her cries had gone unattended by the entire store and she looked the way a dog looks when he knows he will be punished for the potted plant he never meant to knock over. She was a mess, covered with snot and tears. Her parent was nowhere in sight, and my arms around her must have come not a moment too soon. That heart - broken feeling I had as she tucked her head into the space near my ear, was one I have known time and again. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling her broken heart or experiencing my own. Agape. It hurts to break open, but to love is to be vulnerable that way. What love can enter if we are not broken open first? I believe this kind pure unbounded love, often unexpected, is always divine.
What is clearly harder to do however is to love those who actively turn their hearts against you. There are people in the world that try as I might, I simply cannot like. Klu Klux Klan members, for example, whose cult still very much alive and active today, send a shiver of disgust up my spine and leave my mouth tasting bitter like blood.
But even these hateful men were once little boys, playing by the edge of a pond on a sun dappled morning. And they were once newborn babies, lying content and hopeful in a young mother’s arms. What could have possibly happened to that new wide - eyed child that he would grow into a man filled with power fueled by hate? It’s so hard not to blame the victim. When I look at old photos or TV images of men, (and perhaps women too - I won’t assume they weren’t or aren’t there,) wearing those long white cloaks and pointed hats I can feel myself becoming contaminated by hate. I find myself hating those who hate others. This is perhaps the root of war, at its very basic level. Our government’s foreign policy has definitely been known to rush in to kill those who are killing others. World wide, we raise a collective eyebrow at that phenomenon, yet it happens time and again.
But I think in order to understand war, or organized hatred, we need to start small. It is actually possible to love every single person alive in this world. Even those who have made inexcusable, horrible mistakes, those who cannot or will not take responsibility for their actions. They are certainly to be held accountable, and no one need excuse deplorable behavior, but surely those lost souls are in need of the one thing it feels impossible to give. Love. How hard it is to remember that the person at their core, is just a grown up child, infused with life’s tragedies and cruelty. I truly believe that every baby, every child, every adult, is lovable no matter what.
In fact, this is what Jesus meant when he said, “Love your enemies.” Or Mohammed, who said “Forgive those who wrong you; join those who cut you off; do good to those who do evil to you.” And the Buddha who said, “Hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.” Religious leaders through the ages have nudged us gently along these lines. And we try, oh how we try, to live our lives by these teachings. And although we fail, often daily, we also succeed.
Let me tell you another story. It took place in the improbable setting of muddy trenches, ice - cold rain, and senseless killing of World War One. It happened in spite of orders to the contrary by superiors, in spite of language barriers, in spite of trained mistrust. It’s a story about war, our tragically repeated human mistake, our method of fighting hate with hate. But it’s also about the triumph of love, the essence of what it means to be human. War is simply not meant to be. Do I dare to say it will not always be? This excerpt from a letter written home by an American soldier in 1914 gives me hope in that regard. Perhaps you have heard it before.
“My dear sister Janet, …There has been little serious fighting of late. The first battle of the war left so many dead that both sides have held back until replacements could come from home. So we have mostly stayed in our trenches and waited…their first trench (is) only 50 yards from ours. Between us (lies) No Man’s Land, bordered on both sides by barbed wire - yet they are close enough we sometimes hear their voices…(Today) there was little shelling or rifle fire from either side. And as darkness fell on our Christmas Eve, the shooting stopped entirely. Our first complete silence in months!...I went to the dugout to rest, and lying on my cot, I must have drifted asleep. All at once my friend John was shaking me awake, saying, “Come and see! See what the Germans are doing!” I grabbed my rifle, stumbled out into the trench, and stuck my head cautiously above the sandbags. I never hope to see a stranger and more lovely sight. Clusters of tiny lights were shining all along the German line, left and right as far as the eye could see… “Christmas trees!” (I exclaimed!) And so it was. The Germans had placed Christmas trees in front of their trenches, lit by candles or lanterns like beacons of good will. And then we heard their voices raised in song. Stille nacht, heilige nacht... I’ve never heard one lovelier - or more meaningful, (than the song sung) in that quiet, clear night, dark softened by a first - quarter moon. When (it) finished, the men in our trenches applauded. Yes, British soldiers applauding Germans! Then one of our own men started singing, and we all joined in. The first Nowell, the angel did say…In truth, we sounded not nearly as good as the Germans, with their fine harmonies. But they responded with enthusiastic applause of their own and then began another. O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum… Then we replied Oh Come all Ye Faithful… But this time they joined in, singing the same words in Latin. Adeste fideles. British and German harmonizing across No Man’s Land! I would have thought nothing could be more amazing - but what came next was more so.”
The letter goes on to tell how the Germans sent two of their soldiers out into No Man’s Land to request a cease fire in honor of the holiday, and an American officer met them half way to settle it. What followed that night is documented in numerous letters and journal entries from soldiers all up and down the Western Front. Emerging from the trenches, men in uniform exchanged handshakes and grins, swapped cigars for cigarettes, buttons for badges, and sausages for corned beef. Bonfires were built, meals shared, and a memorable game of soccer was recorded with a score of 3 - 2 Germans, though it was argued that the last goal was off - sides. One British soldier, a barber by trade, was even said to have given out haircuts to men from both sides in exchange for a cigarette or two. For a whole twenty - four hours all fighting stopped, and Christmas was shared by men who only hours earlier had been trying to kill one another. To this day there are few other recorded times in history that peace spontaneously arose from the lower ranks in a major conflict, bubbling up to the officers and temporarily turning sworn enemies into friends. Love is our capacity to keep changing our perception of the other.
Reverend Thandeka, a Unitarian Universalist minister I admire greatly, says that human nature is the foundation of our UU tradition. I believe this is true. How many of you carry around those little cards that say what our principles and purposes are?... I do too. People seem to ask me all the time what do UU’s believe, and I like to have it in my wallet to hand to an interested inquirer. It always bugs me when I overhear someone responding to that question, “Oh, we believe whatever we want.” Or even worse, “we don’t really know what we believe.” Wait a second! We believe very strongly in lots of things! Human dignity, the interconnected web of life, respect for our individual journeys of faith…these are the pillars of our religion as it stands in the present day. To say we believe whatever we want is not untrue, but it’s only half an answer to a serious question. Our Unitarian Universalist theology is built on the cinder blocks of love, respect and integrity. When someone asks me what we believe I always try to give them something of substance to chew on. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that they actually eat the little card.
But I do love watching people’s faces as they glance at it for the first time. Often they’re searching for what they won’t be able to stomach. And for most people, our set of beliefs, (yes, we do have beliefs!) tends to sound pretty darn good! That’s because we’ve chosen to develop our religion around the most fundamental aspects of what it means to be a human being. We have a doctrine of universal love, and although we tend to recoil fervently from anything that even vaguely smells of evangelism, our ideas about loving all people truly and deeply are worth spreading widely. Why hide the way we naturally feel about one another? UU parishes around the world have covenants, many of which begin “Love is the spirit of this congregation…”And it’s true! It is also the spirit of our entire denomination, and our vision for the world. But we cannot wait for the world to endorse our universal religion. We must celebrate it, share it, and live it now!
Like the soldiers singing Silent Night to one another across the ravaged landscape of war, let us learn to love without reservation. We open our hearts, broken and empty, or vibrant and seemingly already too full to the possibility of new love in any form.
I leave you with this question: How universal is your love? Who is that one person in your life that you do not like, but that you could possibly begin to love? And lastly, why wait?
Eros, Philia, Agape. May our millions of love stories be shared among us all today, tomorrow, and forever more.
Blessed be.
Quote by Aaron Shepard from The Christmas Truce
www.aaronshep.com/stories/061.html